Jesusism

Okay, it’s always bugged me the weird way Christians cherry-pick the Bible to come up with their bizarre beliefs, and I thought it would be interesting to just take parts of the Bible, and create a religion around it. Since the name “Christianity” is already taken, I’m calling my new religion Jesusism.

All sacraments, beliefs and practices of Jesusism come directly from the Bible. Footnotes follow.

First, Jesusism is practiced naked. We were naked in the Garden of Eden before the fall, so we need to emulate that state of grace.

Second, the words and acts of Jesus are the basis of Jesusism, so personal property and possessions are forbidden. Furthermore, the miracles at the wedding at Cana and the feeding of the multitudes teach us that we should bake bread and cook fish and provide it to the poor. All of this should be done while drinking wine.

Needless to say, Jesusists are rabid Pacifists, decrying the need for a military at all. They seek to practice timidity, and would rather forgive than incarcerate. They value mercy overall, and strongly question the imprisonment of all but the most violent offenders.

Obviously they are strongly opposed to capital punishment, as that’s what did in the Big Guy himself. They practice thoughtful premarital sex, because they believe they should do unto others as they would have others do unto them. Contraception and abortion are of course legal and cheap, as it was for Jesus’ hooker pals.

Homosexual activity among consenting adults is repected and valued as it was long ago made obvious that obscure prohibitions in Leviticus are part of the ceremonial, rather than eternal law. Gay marrriage is available at any church, and usually performed by gay clergy.

Also obviously, wealth is a big no-no and businesspeople are reviled rather than revered (see overturning the moneylenders tables).

I changed my mind. No footnotes. Anybody want to call me on how Jesusism isn’t a logical result of belief in the infallibility of scripture?

WWJD indeed.